6 Ways to Make Valentine’s Day Last All Year Long

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is on my mind.

What makes relationships work and how can they be improved?

I consider myself a lucky, happily married woman, but I was also curious to know if there was anything my husband and I were missing out on when it came to maintaining a healthy relationship.

(And by the way, if you’re single, please don’t mope! Use Valentine’s Day to get together with your single friends and have a fun night together. That’s still spending quality time with people you love, which is what Valentine’s Day is all about.)

I turned to Kerreen Chau, M.A. and licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) here in San Clemente for answers.

Common Relationship Complaints

One of the main reasons couples seek counseling is because of communication issues. Couples often talk about living parallel lives, meaning each has his or her own, separate agenda each day, Chau said. They may share the same bed, but feel they don't share the same lives.  

Another reoccurring lament Chau hears from many veteran married couples is a sense of isolation. They say there’s no exact problem, per say, it’s just that they’re not connecting, and each partner feels alone.

So how can couples avoid these scenarios?

How to Keep a Healthy, Romantic Relationship

Chau recommends these key habits and rituals to keep a relationship strong and healthy:

1. Show Appreciation

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it can be easy to take your partner for granted. Avoid this by making it a habit to show your appreciations regularly.

And the way you show appreciation matters, too. Men prefer it verbally, and women like action to show that they’re cared about, Chau said.

2. Make Alone Time

“It’s really taking the time to connect in small ways, frequently. It’s not really about date night; date night is completely overrated. It’s about little ways to connect,” Chau said.

Little ways to connect could be anything from having coffee alone in the mornings together or going on afternoon walks in the evening–anything that creates a little one-on-one time without the kids or other distractions.

3.       Keep a Positive Outlook

Remember way back when you first met your significant other? What were the things that attracted you to one another? Reminisce with each other about those early days and all the positive characteristics your partner has.

“When we fall in love with someone, there are ideas and characteristics that we fall in love with. Over time we might forget those, so it’s important to think about the good things that have happened throughout the history of your relationship,” Chau said.

4. Approach problems together and head-on.

If there are problems or issues, don’t put off talking about them. Try to be calm, and stay respectful of your partner’s views and opinions.

5. Be emotionally intimate.

Does your partner know all your biggest fears, brightest accomplishments, worst failures and wildest dreams? Do you know theirs? The more you share with your partner, the more trust, support and security is built between the two of you.

6. Be physically intimate.

OK, so it’s no news flash that sex is vital to healthy relationships, but physical intimacy includes more than just sex. Humans need touch to thrive. Hugging, kissing, holding hands, snuggling and spooning also contribute to a relationship’s health.