Four Easy Ways to Avoid Holiday Broken Hearts

Most of us look forward to the holidays and time spent with those we love. For those who have recently lost a loved one, the holidays can be filled with pain. 

Our homes feel empty along with our hearts, no matter how much decorating we do. Our special memories and traditions may change because without that special someone, it just won't be the same. 

So if you have lost a loved one, or your older parent has lost their spouse, be aware that holidays can literally break the already broken heart. 

Grieving takes time and everyone is different. You or your parent might still be grieving years after the passing. Be patient. For those who've spent a lifetime with a partner, it's seems quite reasonable that it will take years to get passed the sorrow.

 Change things up –

Some that are grieving will find joy in doing everything the same, but not everyone. If every Thanksgiving and Christmas your family has spent in the past has been at mom's house, perhaps a change of venue is in order. This should be a conversation you have will all the family members, but especially the grieving one.

 There's usually someone in the family that can host the celebrations if all the family members pull together and help out. As my own mother has gotten older, we all bring food so that she will not have to do all the cooking. She really appreciates the food we bring and the fact that we all pitch in to do the dishes. 

Two years ago, my best friend lost both her parents. This is the first Thanksgiving that she's been able to go back to the family home to celebrate. While losing a parent is heartbreaking, for those who've lost a spouse of many years, the pain can be much worse. 

You won't be able to ignore the fact that your loved one is gone. Do your best to remember the happy times and have a good story ready to tell with your family. Try to remember the funniest stories and focus on the happiest Christmas Carols. Know that your loved one would hate for you to ruin your holidays by grieving for them. 

Warning Signs –

Some elders never get over the loss of their spouse. There might not be anything you can do to change that except spend time with them and keep your conversations on current happenings. 

Neglect of personal hygiene, thoughts of their own impending death, reclusiveness, alcohol or drug abuse, difficulty in performing tasks of daily life, feelings of hopelessness. 

Always take talk about suicide seriously and get them help with or without their consent. If you're the one that's grieving and you are suffering from any of these symptoms, talk to someone. Go to your doctor and they will be able to refer you to a counselor. Whatever you do, do not become reclusive. 

It is the worst thing that you can do. Depression and isolation will bring on a major illness. It must be addressed. 

Accentuate the Positive –

Try to help you or your loved one to focus on the good things in life. Avoid any clichés like "It's time to get on with your life," or "It was all for the best." These will not bring you or your loved one any comfort. Instead, start a new tradition. Perhaps pile everyone in the family's biggest car and go look at holiday lights. I love to go to Christmas Eve's night services at church, but I know you can think of something joyful to do, too. 

Children -

Make sure you and your loved one spend time with the children in your life. Their enthusiasm for living and energy is contagious. No matter what my parents are going through, they are always happy to see the great-grandchildren. 

During the holiday season, children remind us of the future of our families. Looking forward instead of always looking back is a sign that things are going to be all right.

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