Answering the "Casting Call"

"Reality Show Casting
Award-winning production company and major cable network are casting for a new series.  

We are looking for women who have a child and have never told the father, but are now ready to reveal.  

If you, or someone you know have a child (any age) and for whatever reason didn't tell the father, contact me at wmotheremail@gmail.com. Include your name, age and a brief explanation of why you are right for this show.  

Thanks, and good luck"

And they say it doesn’t pay to spend so much time on the Internet.

The possibilities are endless. Here are three:

My name is Albany Oswego Louisiana. AOL for short, which I am not. I am almost seven feet tall. My mother wants me to go on your TV show and surprise my father, who does not know I exist. She says my father is a direct descendant of Franz Kafka, the author of Metamorphosis. I can see how this would be fairly simple to unravel, as my relatives are part human and part fly. No need for DNA sampling, even if someone could swab my gaping proboscis.
Thank you for your consideration.

Number Two

Dear Sirs,
I am applying to be a contestant on your “Who’s Your Daddy?” show. My mother tells me that my father was the attendant at Toll Booth #3, on the Golden Gate Bridge. When I asked her how my conception was possible, she informed me that one Friday commute the fog had stuck like silly putty to the Sunday comics. There was gridlock for five minutes, more than enough for the deed to be done. It would be nice to confirm that this man is my daddy, as he recently won the $650 million Powerball Lottery.

Thank you for your time.

This one's best read with a Southern accent

Dear W

I have a problem. You might be able to solve it. I’m looking for the mother who would identify me as a father. It is a matter of national importance.

This is an election year. I have never married, so I need to debunk those who accuse me of playing for the “other team.” Right now, four Teapublicans are stopping at nothing to unseat me from the United States Senate. I need a woman to reveal that the son she bore nine months after the 2003 South Carolina election night frivolity is indeed mine. I don’t care who he is, even grows up to be the prima ballarina in Ballet Risque do Monte Carlo. Enough said.

There's more. Really.

If you don’t want to find your papa, other reality shows currently in casting mode include:

I’m Dating My Best Friend’s Ex
Extreme Cheapskates Bosses
Kids Won’t Let You Date

I say, let’s throw all of them together and create My kids Won’t Let Me Date My Best Friend’s Ex Cheapskate Boss Who Might Be Their Daddy.

If you want to hear this being performed at Dime Stories in Laguna Beach on Sunday, January 12, click here.

Free Talks
The Novel Wednesday, January 29 at 6:30; Saturday, February 1 at 1:00 pm

How to Write for Children [not at them] Saturday, February 1 at 11 am

RSVP here. I never share information about you. Only abut writing.

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